Love for Love’s Sake - Chapter 40

Chapter 40

My grandmother only greeted me with words. Coming out the door to welcome me, asking if I had a good day, and stroking my back lovingly was a distant affection between us grandmother and grandson.

In the past, I had felt it to be regrettable. Perhaps she considered me a nuisance and was only taking care of me out of obligation.

“You haven’t slept.”

As I entered my grandmother’s room, I saw her lying with her body turned toward the wardrobe. Despite clearly knowing I had just entered, she didn’t look back.

“The sound of you coming in woke me up.”

“It’s because the door is too old. It creaks even if I open it carefully.”

“I should just break down this dilapidated house and rebuild it.”

“Why would you break it down? You have a bad back. The house is going to break grandma.”

The conversation continued in a trivial manner. I took out what was in the bag I had brought and placed it in front of my grandmother.

“This.”

The prize sharpshooter Cha Yeowoon had won. Before my grandmother, who was reading the packaging, had a chance to say anything, I struck first.

“Grandma, I saw Mom today.”

Although I only saw my grandmother’s back, I could feel her stiffening.

“What did your Mom say?”

I thought she would be angry and scold me for going there, but she asked in a strangely calm manner.

“To be honest, I couldn’t even greet her. It was a cafe. I just went in and came out.”

“I see.”

“Has Mom ever asked about me?”

My grandmother remained silent for a while.

“I once asked her to come meet you…”

The whisper that broke through the silence was so small that it was almost like talking to oneself.

“Knowing how much you wanted to see her, I had asked her to show her face just once, especially now that her child had grown up a lot.”

As my grandmother muttered to herself, her shoulders slumped heavily. I had misunderstood until the age of 29.

She hadn’t hid my mother for her daughter’s sake. She had done it for me.

I desperately suppressed the trembling in my throat.

“Maybe because she’s busy working.”

I pretended like nothing was wrong, but my grandmother must have noticed my current state.

She slowly sat back down and held my hand. Her dry and rough hands were smaller than I remembered. Even after seeing them again, holding her hands was a first.

“Myeongha, people. When they experience painful moments in life, sometimes they try to cover it up and avoid ever looking at it again. It’s not your fault, and your Mom suffered a lot when you were born.”

Right. I had expected that. My mother didn’t want to meet me.

I could understand the feeling of not wanting to look back at painful times and not wanting to remember them. I wanted to understand. I had to.

If I didn’t, I would be too sad.

There were people I couldn’t see now that I had returned to my 19, but there were also people I could embrace now.

“Grandma, live a long life.”

I quietly embraced my grandmother. Her body, which had shrunk with the passing years, was even smaller than when I was a child.

My wish was for her to live as long as I was here. I didn’t want to lose her.

[ Mission: Make Cha Yeowoon happy. ]

[ Remaining Time: 262 days ]

[ Penalty: Death ]

Mission and reward expressed in numerical value as a goal.

What I had read was a novel, but no matter how I looked, the setting seemed to be that of a game.

Just as there was a conclusion to a novel, there was an ending to a game.

Here, unlike the me at 19, I wanted to do everything right. I wanted to protect the important things.

At least until the ending of this game.

* * *

I had been walking around all day, but I couldn’t sleep. I laid in my room, engaging in a staring contest with the ceiling.

To block out intrusive thoughts, I mindlessly counted the patterns on the ceiling. 121, 122. On 123, a call came.

“Isn’t he sleeping? Why is he calling me so suddenly?”

The only person who would call me at this hour was Cha Yeowoon. Seeing his name sparkling on my phone screen was comforting.

– “I wanted to hear your voice.”

“You’ve heard it all day.”

– “Senior.”

Cha Yeowoon cleared his throat. I wondered what he was going to say.

– “I can be with senior for a long time.”

The stains on the ceiling receded. I covered my eyes with my palm. I forgot about the numbers I had been counting.

I had always dreamed of it. A person who would stay by my side for a long, long time, like the affectionate families others had.

Cha Yeowoon was someone who could do that. I understood that about him.

But maybe I couldn’t

It seemed, by this time next year, I wouldn’t be able to be with him.

– “Next time, let’s go somewhere other than Jebudo.”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go to the mountains or something. Let’s eat wild vegetable bibimbap instead of seafood.”

– “Do you like bibimbap?”

“I’m not picky about food.”

– “But there must be something you like.”

I laughed at his curiosity.

– “What do you like?”

It was an attitude of being willing to learn if I taught him. I hadn’t expected it. He had a strangely stubborn and sincere side, so my laughter subsided slightly as I thought that he might really be serious.

“Sujeonggwa.”

– “Really?”

“Yeah. I really like it.”

– “Senior has unique tastes.”

“Thank you. What about you?”

– “I don’t like sujeonggwa.”

“I didn’t ask about that. What do you like?”

– “…Sikhye?”

His answer after some contemplation was cute. Maybe like me who grew up drinking sujeonggwa under the influence of my grandmother, it was a similar situation with him.

“Got it. I’ll buy you sikhye next time. Now, let’s sleep.”

Imagining him cleaning the remaining rice grains for sikhye, my damp feeling dried up quickly.

There were people by the sea who didn’t want to turn around and look at me, but there were also people who enjoyed being with me and were worried about me. It became a comfort when I thought of it as a balance of life.

– “I’ll see you at school.”

See you at school.

I said goodbye that only I could hear and hung up the phone. Sleep, which seemed unlikely to come, easily found me.

* * *

Monday, on my desk was a can of sujeonggwa. I didn’t know where it had come from as it wasn’t something that sold well.

The can of sujeonggwa was still there the next day. And the day after that.

As I opened the third can of sujeonggwa, I thought about something.

In the novel, Cha Yeowoon was an incredibly pure-love guy who, once he fell for someone, would give his all.

The sweet and bitter drink flowed down my throat. Looking down from the classroom window, I saw Cha Yeowoon running in the schoolyard.

Cha Yeowoon, wiping his sweaty face with the hem of his clothes, looked up at the window where I was. When he found me, he waved happily.

He didn’t have an alarm sensor like mine. Nevertheless, he somehow spotted me like a ghost.

After exchanging greetings a few times, I realized.

Cha Yeonwoon had a habit of looking at my classroom window regularly to find me. With so many attempts, he had succeeded a few times.

Slowly, I had to admit it.

I had become my favorite’s first love.

[ Mission: Make Cha Yeowoon happy. ]

[ Penalty: Death ]

Transparent windows flickered in the background as Cha Yeonwoon ran again.

But…Could he be dumped by his first love and still be happy?

* * *

[ Favorability: 25 ]

Cha Yeonwoon was curious.

“How do you confess?”

Slurp–Slurp–

Ahn Sia gleefully drank lemonade through a straw. It was a drink Cha Yeowoon had bought for her.

“Do I look like I know how to confess? Even if I brag, do you think I would have confessed a lot?”

“I don’t know, I just asked you because you’re the only person I can ask.”

Cha Yeowoon answered as he touched the cup containing his share of Americano.

He had agonized a lot.

Should he hold onto the person and say he liked them? Did he need to prepare flowers? At school? At home? Should he ask for their time? What should he say? That he liked them, that he wanted to date them? What came next?

He had never liked anyone before, and naturally, had never confessed. When it finally came time to do it somehow, he couldn’t even do it.

And here he was now. When he had called Ahn Sia to ask her out, she had asked him twice if he had dialed the wrong number.

“But does big brother Myeongha have any intentions of dating? When I tried to set him up last time, he immediately refused to be introduced.”

“Senior?”

Cha Yeowoon, who reflexively asked, closed his mouth.

“How did you know about my intentions with senior?”

“You contacted me, asking only about big brother Myeongha. Wouldn’t I be dumb not to know? You’re as innocent and naive as my big brother.”

Ahn Sia beamed with a big smile.

“Senior had said you two were close.”

“But do you always call me to talk about big brother Myeongha? Fool.”

“Except for that, you and I have nothing to talk about.”

“Wow. Now I understand why big brother calls you rude. Why are we even friends? I’ll let it go because you’re cute.”

“Don’t talk like senior.”

Ahn Sia rolled her eyes at the sulking Cha Yeowoon. Ah, rude, she thought.

“Do you really want to hear my opinion?”

Cha Yeowoon nodded. At this point, Ahn Sia was the only reliable person for counseling. Moreover, he felt an inexplicable trust when she spoke. He thought she resembled senior somewhat.

“First of all, big brother Myeongha doesn’t have any intention of dating right now.”

“…None?”

“Yeah. Totally. Never. Absolutely none.”

“…Why do you think so?”

“Don’t you understand? Just hearing him speak would make you realize something like that. Big brother has a nice face and a good personality, so do you think he would be single now if he had any intention of dating?”

Cha Yeowoon thought it made sense as he listened to Ahn Sia. He anxiously gulped.

“Maybe he just hasn’t found someone he likes yet.”

“You really don’t know anything about dating. That makes it even more of a problem!”

What was the problem? Ahn Sia clicked her tongue as if she had found Cha Yeowoon’s question funny. Her index finger pointed at him.

“Look. If big brother Myeongha hasn’t found someone he likes, just say he’s an impregnable person who doesn’t date.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think confessing to him will break through that?”

“…”

“Usually, those types of pure people don’t suddenly start liking the other person after receiving a confession. Let’s say I’m confessing to you right now.”

“I’ll refuse.”

“I get it, but can you not answer so straightforwardly?”

“I already have someone I like, so naturally I would reject your confession.”

“If someone confessed to you before you liked big brother, would you have said yes?”

“…”

“You’ve been confessed to before, right? What did you say?”

How was it? Cha Yeowoon recalled his memories from the past. Blurry shapes, like dough being kneaded, floated into his mind.

“Cha Yeowoon! Will you go out with me?”

“Why?”

“Th-Then let’s start as friends.”

“Why?”

Roughly, was it something like that? While Cha Yeowoon became more lost in thought recalling his past, Ahn Sia held out her hand in a knowing gesture.