Love for Love’s Sake - Chapter 53

Chapter 53

“We’re outside.”

At the clear rejection, Cha Yeowoon stopped.

The approaching night covered the surroundings with a blurry haze.

Only Tae Myeongha was clearly visible. The fresh leaves, young fruits, and darkened water surface were nothing more than a backdrop. The distant hum of cars and the wind’s melody blended into mere background noise.

Certain misfortunes consuming Cha Yeowoon’s life became hazy when he faced Tae Myeongha. There was only one thing that mattered.

Cha Yeowoon opened his mouth. Instead of words, a breath escaped.

Did Tae Myeongha like him?

Why did he accept him that day?

Was it okay if it wasn’t outside?

His most curious questions couldn’t be asked. He was afraid of the answer that awaited him.

The building, constructed to have a direct view of the reservoir, was open to anyone. As they entered the emergency exit of a shopping center with restaurants and cafes on the upper floors, Tae Myeongha looked dazed as if he had no idea what was happening.

“Instead of going home, are you thinking about kissing me in a place like this?”

Tae Myeongha’s playful remark in an attempt to ease the mood wasn’t overlooked by Cha Yeowoon.

Their lips met immediately. Tae Myeongha accepted the sudden contact but kept his lips closed.

Cha Yeowoon belatedly recalled Tae Myeongha’s advice to relax. It was already too late. He didn’t know how to do anything more.

He moved beyond simply rubbing Tae Myeongha’s warm lips and descended to his chin, carefully kissing the jawline that led to the ear.

At Cha Yeowoon’s actions, Tae Myeongha trembled.

Cha Yeowoon let out a shallow breath. It smelled sweet, he thought.

Tae Myeongha, seemingly flustered, placed his hand on Cha Yeowoon’s shoulder. He forcefully pushed away the Cha Yeowoon that wouldn’t easily pull away.

It was another rejection.

The emotions that had heated around Cha Yeowoon’s torso forcefully cooled. Cha Yeowoon caught his breath and looked at Tae Myeongha. Despite trying to act calm, his heavy breathing didn’t easily settle.

“Why the rush?”

Tae Myeongha asked with a hint of laughter, but Cha Yeowoon couldn’t laugh.

“Because senior is making me rush.”

When Cha Yeowoon refused to back down, Tae Myeongha showed a slightly troubled expression.

It was the expression of someone who had the luxury to consider and weigh many things in this moment. The face trying to shake off Cha Yeowoon was remarkably beautiful.

The long and sharp eyes resembled a large cat. With only a simple t-shirt, the revealed body was lean.

Why didn’t Cha Yeowoon realize it when they first met? Tae Myeongha was a captivating person. Looking at him made his heart tighten.

Cha Yeowoon pushed Tae Myeongha into a corner. Despite knowing it was a mistake, he went ahead and did it. He had become desperate.

Their legs became entangled and their upper bodies touched. He wanted to kiss recklessly like before, but he felt like he would be pushed away again. This time, for certain.

He didn’t know what to do. His chest felt stifled, and he wanted to do something, but the solution didn’t come.

“Stop.”

Tae Myeongha said in a gentle voice. Just like when praising Cha Yeowoon, he ran his fingers through Cha Yeowoon’s hair like always, making him feel good. Cha Yeowoon felt miserable.

What felt even more miserable was the fact that he couldn’t push away Tae Myeongha’s hand.

“Why?”

Cha Yeowoon made a final effort. Even while asking, he already knew the answer.

Tae Myeongha didn’t like him.

He knew.

Yet, even knowing that, he couldn’t stop.

* * *

“Recently, you seem to be doing very well, Tae Myeongha.”

The homeroom teacher grinned.

I questioned whether he was mocking me or speaking sincerely. Perhaps he was inherently snarky.

Anyway, what the hell did he mean? I had come because I was summoned, yet as I pondered the reason for being called to the teachers’ office, I reflected on the quiet and sincere life I had been leading recently.

“That’s why it’s important to make good friends. You’ve been hanging out with Gyeonghun and your grades have improved a lot.”

As I was quietly lost in thought, the homeroom teacher patted my shoulder vigorously.

“Gyeonghun has taught me a lot.”

Something like that. It seemed he had summoned me because of my finals’ grade.

I had taken the finals with the intention of ranking slightly above average in the entire school. Since I had raised my grade moderately in the midterms, I thought it would be safe to raise it slightly higher this time.

“Have you thought about college?”

The homeroom teacher pulled a chair towards me.

“I thought you had no plans to attend college, but seeing how you’re studying these days, I see that you’re considering it after all. Do you have any goals for college?”

Did the homeroom teacher summon me with the intention of helping me prepare? I had thought he was a teacher who only hit students on the head.

“I haven’t decided specifically yet.”

“The first semester is almost over, and you still haven’t thought about it? Are you just aiming for any college that fits your grades? Still, you need to have some goal, kid.”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Yes. You might be worried too. There’s also the issue with tuition fees, so it’s understandable.”

“Yes, well.”

“Anyway, it’s approaching, so do your best. The 3rd year of high school only comes once in a lifetime. It won’t come back if you miss it.”

After politely saying goodbye to the homeroom teacher, who advised me to seriously think about my future and consult with him if I had any questions, I left the teachers’ office. He said that if I was worried about tuition, he would look around. My evaluation of him was drastically revised.

Unexpectedly, it seemed he was the type to care about his students. Indeed, brief confrontations could be deceiving.

Now, the school scenery was familiar. Given humans’ natural inclination for adaptation, the office buildings might now seem less familiar than the school.

The homeroom teacher’s words made sense. It was already mid-July, just before summer vacation. There were only about four months remaining until the college entrance exam.

It was a time when I should be thinking about whether I wanted to go to college and, if so, where I wanted to go.

If I was really 19.

“Gyeonghun, why are you so excited?”

“A friend studying abroad s-said they’re coming to visit during summer vacation.”

“Studying abroad? Could it be your lover?”

It was a time when no sane student in their 3rd year of high school would even dream of a passionate romance. But if there was no sanity to speak of, wouldn’t it be a really passionate romance?

Ahn Gyeonghun, who was visibly excited, immediately shook his head at my question.

He seemed to be in a good mood. If it was usual, I would have congratulated him and moved on, but I suddenly became curious about other people’s love. Perhaps because of my own situation.

“How can you be in a relationship when you live so far away?”

“Um…because I like them?”

“Have you been dating for a long time?”

“I’ve liked them since I was young.”

After further questioning, Ahn Gyeonghun hesitated before telling his story. It was a love story that started from elementary school. It was because of that friend that he first learned how to use a camera.

It was the unfolding of a pure and romantic love story. Although my situation was different, it was too different to be a reference.

“Hey, but knowing that they were going to study abroad, how could you keep liking them?”

At my words, Ahn Gyeonghun seemed perplexed.

“You said you had planned to break up before they left. Haven’t you ever thought that since you’re going to break up anyway, there’s no point in liking them?”

This was obviously about Cha Yeowoon.

Even if it wasn’t for my special circumstances of having no future after graduation, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on the conversation in the teachers’ office. Since yesterday, my mind has been solely occupied with the thought of Cha Yeowoon.

While listening to Ahn Gyeonghun’s tearful first love story, all I could think about was Cha Yeowoon. The expression on his face on the emergency staircase of an unfamiliar shopping center yesterday still hadn’t left my mind.

A frightened expression; twisted as if stabbed by an ice pick.

I didn’t know what it was, but I felt like I had made a serious mistake.

“Since we decided to break up, I thought I should do my best to like them.”

My head was pounding.

As I stared at Ahn Gyeonghun with my mouth wide open, he shyly elaborated.

“Because we might never meet again.”

I realized belatedly that Ahn Gyeonghun hadn’t stuttered once since he started talking about love. It seemed that love required tremendous determination. I now understood why my previous relationship had failed.

At lunch, Cha Yeowoon vigorously ran around the schoolyard.

[Tae Myeongha] : Are we going home together today?

[Cha Yeowoon] : Yes

[Cha Yeowoon] : I will

[Tae Myeongha] : Why are you speaking so modestly?

[Tae Myeongha] : Do you join the track and field team and do everything they make you do?

[Cha Yeowoon] : What would they make me do?

[Tae Myeongha]: No; Yeowoon

[Cha Yeowoon] : If you want to make me do something, let me know

[Tae Myeongha] : Okay..Got it.

Cha Yeowoon responded to my messages more cautiously than usual. There was no particular reason for him to be subservient.

But why this was happening was obvious.

Just as I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about what had happened, he must have had a similar agonizing time.

As we left school together, he avoided making direct eye contact with me. He didn’t even attempt to hold my hand today.

“Are you still embarrassed from yesterday’s kiss?”

I spoke first. I didn’t want to continue this fixed distance march of silence.

“…Yes.”

Cha Yeowoon answered in a destitute voice.

“Anyone who sees this might think I’m about to hit you. Where did the guy who used to confidently drag people with overflowing spirit go?”

“I’m sorry.”

Like someone who had just been threatened, apologies spring out immediately. I was worried that he would fall while walking with his head lowered, so I stopped in front him.

Cha Yeowoon, who had been walking somewhat unsteadily, stopped just like me. His head was still facing the ground.

“I won’t do that anymore, so don’t hate me.”

The tone of his voice crawled on the ground. His appearance was precarious no matter how I looked at it.

“Why would I hate you?”

“I tried to kiss you and do as I please…”

I never scolded Cha Yeowoon, but he was depressed on his own. It was both funny and cute.

“Yeowoon.”

“Yes.”

“Today, instead of taking the bus, should we walk home?”

“…Why?”

Cha Yeowoon slowly raised his head.

“Because I want to be with you for a long time.”

The moment I answered, a light appeared in Cha Yeowoon’s eyes.

I understood why Ahn Gyeonghun lifted his camera for his first love. It was a moment he wanted to capture and keep.

The path leading behind the apartment was less crowded with people, but it was right next to the road. Students in the same uniform as us passed by on a bus.

How many buses have passed already?

“Anyway, I didn’t mean to crawl.”

Cha Yeowoon was slower than usual. It was slow, excessively slow. At this pace, we wouldn’t be able to see the inside of his house even as night fell.

“Senior said he wants to stay with me for a long time.”

“But let’s get home by today.”

“If it gets too late, sleep at my house.”

“Why? Do you want to watch a movie?”

“I don’t have any movies at home. Should we buy one? What movie do you want to watch?”

Cha Yeowoon, who answered naively, became puzzled when I simply grinned strangely and abruptly stood upright in the middle of the sidewalk. I continued walking without stopping.

“I don’t have such thoughts…!”

Cha Yeowoon chased after me, huffing, and suddenly made an excuse.

“What thoughts?”

“Senior think I’m only having dirty thoughts when I see you.”