Love for Love’s Sake - Chapter 76

Chapter 76

“How did you know? Are you a fortune teller?”

“I found out through your email address.”

“You’re not a fortune teller but a detective.”

“I’ll be the first to congratulate you.”

Opening the door to the bakery, Cha Yeowoon casually uttered the words I had longed to hear. The bell on the door rang clearly.

My birthday. In October. Less than three months away. Counting the days made my stomach churn. It hurt a bit deeper than when my lungs were bursting from running.

“I’ll settle with the early well wishes.”

“There’s no such thing. I’ll officially congratulate you on that day.”

The scent of bread inside the store was entrancing. The display case was lined with colorful cakes.

For the first time, someone wanted to wish me a happy birthday.

Despite thinking that to myself, it sounded pitiful, so I suppressed it. Then, like a reaction, a much more wretched thought emerged.

The thought that what I wished for the most wouldn’t come true. Just like the laws of the world that had already been established.

* * *

“What’s all this?”

My grandmother’s reaction welcoming Cha Yeowoon and me was as expected.

“Apricots we picked.”

“Why bring them home?”

“We almost got caught by the park patrollers, so we ran with it.”

Despite handing over the apricots ourselves, my grandmother clicked her tongue as if she was seeing two apricot thieves.

“What’s that next to you?”

“Cake.”

“Of course I can see that.”

“It’s Grandma’s birthday. We remembered it on the way here and bought it.”

“Oh my. Burning money.”

My grandmother snorted.

“We bought it because he asked to buy it.”

“…Don’t you like cake?”

When I openly pointed at Cha Yeowoon, he broke out into a cold sweat. My grandmother was apathetic and I was worried, but on a closer look, it seemed she liked it. If she really didn’t, she wouldn’t have bothered giving it a second look.

I had thought she would be annoyed, but I was surprised by the unexpected reaction.

However, on further thought, it was something I should have known. Remembering someone’s birthday, who would dislike that?

When I was 19, I had thought that she found birthdays troublesome. I didn’t doubt it. At that time, I believed that only what I felt was real, and I didn’t know that the intentions and feelings of others could be different.

“Come on. Since you’ve bought it, cut it so we can eat.”

“Still, the child bought the cake because he thought of you, but you’re not even going to blow out a candle?”

If I had said I bought it, my grandmother would have asked, “What useless thing did you do?” but when I grabbed Cha Yeowoon’s shoulders and insisted, it somehow worked.

My grandmother scolded me not to place too many candles on the cake. So after placing a few long candles, we set the cake on a small table and had a quiet, boring celebration.

It was awkward to sing, so we didn’t. I just clapped my hands lightly when she blew out the candles.

But even then, the moment felt good. I knew that I would remember this moment like the small flame flickering at the end of the thin candles for a very long time. Even after a very long time. Even when there was no Cha Yeowoon or grandmother next to me.

“Is it Yeowoon?”

My grandmother subtly changed the subject. Cha Yeowoon had gone out for a moment to take a phone call.

“The more I see him, the more I like him.”

I wondered what she was going to say, but it was a normal compliment, so I silently nodded while eating a strawberry covered in cream. The strawberry cake Cha Yeowoon had picked out was delicious.

“I was worried because you were always playing by yourself, but these days, you have a friend to hang out with. I thought you were a loner.”

Strawberry flesh was crushed between my teeth. The whipped cream melted on my tongue. Things that were too sweet tend to melt away quickly. After swallowing, I wondered when it was even in my mouth.

“Still, it won’t be the same without Grandma.”

My grandmother snorted helplessly at my words. Her wrinkled cheeks shook.

​[ Countdown: 08:03:49 ]

I wondered why it seemed funny. Seriously.

“Maybe because you’ve received a lot of wounds since you were young, Myeongha, you didn’t get along well with people easily, so I worried a lot.”

We could have become closer. But I ran away. I rejected, doubted, and abandoned people.

When I was teaching students, there were children who were friendly and wanted to keep in contact afterwards, and at school or work, my colleagues would encourage me to hang out together. Even my first love had confessed to me first.

There were opportunities.

But if one side let go first, no relationship could continue. I had always lived letting go of people’s hands.

“People can’t live alone.”

“That’s true.”

Twenty-nine was lonely.

Now I could admit it. It was painfully lonely.

I lived alone because I didn’t want to feel lonely; in retrospect, it was foolish.

“Grandma, why don’t you ever celebrate my birthday?”

I asked a question I had never asked before. My grandmother’s expression stiffened, hesitating to answer.

“Because you only look for your Mom every birthday…”

My shoulders slumped.

Hearing those words somehow brought back memories from my childhood. It was the day I screamed at the top of my lungs in front of my troubled grandmother. A toy leg was sticking out of a gift package messily placed. Not this, not that. I cried my eyes out as I said that.

My grandmother took the gift and left, and it was only when I realized I was alone that I stopped.

Later, I realized that no one would come even if I cried, so I never cried again.

Crying was to lose.

Yearning was to lose.

Loving more was to lose.

I didn’t want to lose.

“Grandma, if your knees hurt, contact Mom. Don’t get sick just because you think it’s a waste of money. Even if I want to help, there’s a limit to what I can do with my income.”

“Why contact someone who’s doing well?”

“That’s the point. How can she not even contact you when she’s doing well and living comfortably? I think she should at least cover the medical expenses with the money you’ve spent on raising me.”

“…”

“Isn’t she your daughter? It’s really shameful.”

Leaving a child in someone’s care, they should at least provide the basic necessities like school uniform expenses, even if they didn’t bother to see how their child was growing. I knew best how my grandmother had struggled to raise me, saving money through support funds.

My mother had even arrived late to my grandmother’s funeral.

Furthermore, when we ran into each other, she fled as if running away. I didn’t bother to chase after her.

It seemed like she wanted to believe she wasn’t my mother. I would rather she believed that and didn’t come.

Even my grandmother didn’t want to think that she had been abandoned by my mother.

“I won’t abandon Grandma.”

My grandmother sat down and remained silent. She simply cleared her throat for a while.

She and I shared the habit of holding back tears.

Having lived being abandoned, I didn’t want to be discarded. It was difficult for me to give my heart entirely to anyone. I had endured being treated like a burden.

But there were those that never abandoned me. It was just that, in my early years filled with wounds, I didn’t see it well.

I didn’t want to return.

To the time when there was no Cha Yeowoon, no grandmother.

Even if there was a happy ending, I wouldn’t be happy.

* * *

A large and warm hand was placed on my forehead.

“Senior, are you sick?”

Despite shaking my head, Cha Yeowoon’s worries didn’t lessen and he rubbed the area around my temple. It was comfortable so I left the hand touching my head.

“Your complexion doesn’t look good.”

“Maybe the cake I ate earlier gave me an upset stomach.”

“Do you have any digestive medicine? Should I go buy some?”

“No…I’m okay.”

I gave a simple answer, not feeling okay. It wasn’t a symptom that could be improved with medication.

“I feel like it’ll get better just staying like this.”

As I leaned against Cha Yeowoon’s shoulder, I heard a soft exhale.

Under my eyelids, the numbers continued to change.

[ Countdown: 00:59:59 ]

* * *

Outside, after excusing myself to wash up, the weather was still cloudy, obscuring the stars.

By now, the sky should have been painted with a mixture of orange and lavender, but it was a simple grayish color.

[ Countdown: 00:01:59 ]

Staring at the monotonous sky, the numbers seemed as clear as if they were written on paper.

[ Countdown: 00:01:33 ]

I couldn’t ruin Cha Yeowoon’s legs.

I couldn’t let my grandmother die.

I couldn’t abandon either of them.

[ Penalty: Time remaining reduced by 80% ]

So, the answer to the question had been fixed all along.

[ Countdown: 00:00:59 ]

“I give up.”

Staring at the message window, I said as if someone could hear me. As if I could decide. As if I could overcome the harsh mission ahead of me on my own.

“Stop. You said I could choose before the time ran out.”

[ Countdown: 00:00:21 ]

As the numbers continued to decrease, my heart felt like it was expanding, beating dozens of times. Blood surged to my head, but my hands and feet remained cold.

Then, a message appeared.

[ Q. Who is more precious to you? ]

[ A. ]

Cha Yeowoon and my grandmother appeared in the blank space, frozen.

The countdown changed to a different format.

[ Remaining time: 189 days ]

This time too, time steadily disappeared. From 189 to 100, to 50, as quickly as sand slipping through an hourglass. It felt like blood was draining from my body, seeping onto the ground. Sensation faded from my feet.

[ Remaining time: 36 days ]

I bit my lip hard enough for me to come to my senses.

There was no need to cry.

I stubbornly repeated.

It was something I had already known; that there was an end. The predetermined period had simply shortened. This was for the best. It was the best choice.

“Why aren’t you coming in and just standing there…Senior?”

Breaking through the silence where I couldn’t hear anything was Cha Yeowoon approaching. As he came out with his slippers on, his expression became more serious as he got closer to me.

“Are you cold?”

I should have said it was okay, but I seemed to have forgotten how to say it. Instead of being cold, beads of sweat were flowing down from my neck to my back.

Cha Yeowoon wrapped his warm arms around me without reservation in comfort. My flesh, which felt as if it had been completely turned to stone, finally felt like blood was flowing.

“Why are you shaking like this?”

Only after hearing Cha Yeowoon’s words did I realize I was trembling. My whole body was shaking like a sick person.

I hugged him tightly in an attempt to calm down, but the trembling didn’t stop.

“Not enough. Let’s go inside and wrap you in a blanket.”

Cha Yeowoon, coaxing me, led me inside the house.

[ No changes will occur. ]

[ α׷¡¹Ö 발생. ]

[ !Hint triggered. ]