Love for Love's Sake - Chapter 76
Chapter 76
“How did you know? Are you a fortune teller?”
“I found out through your email address.”
“You’re not a fortune teller but a detective.”
“I’ll be the first to congratulate you.”
Opening the door to the bakery, Cha Yeowoon casually uttered the words I had longed to hear. The bell on the door rang clearly.
My birthday. In October. Less than three months away. Counting the days made my stomach churn. It hurt a bit deeper than when my lungs were bursting from running.
“I’ll settle with the early well wishes.”
“There’s no such thing. I’ll officially congratulate you on that day.”
The scent of bread inside the store was entrancing. The display case was lined with colorful cakes.
For the first time, someone wanted to wish me a happy birthday.
Despite thinking that to myself, it sounded pitiful, so I suppressed it. Then, like a reaction, a much more wretched thought emerged.
The thought that what I wished for the most wouldn’t come true. Just like the laws of the world that had already been established.
* * *
“What’s all this?”
My grandmother’s reaction welcoming Cha Yeowoon and me was as expected.
“Apricots we picked.”
“Why bring them home?”
“We almost got caught by the park patrollers, so we ran with it.”
Despite handing over the apricots ourselves, my grandmother clicked her tongue as if she was seeing two apricot thieves.
“What’s that next to you?”
“Cake.”
“Of course I can see that.”
“It’s Grandma’s birthday. We remembered it on the way here and bought it.”
“Oh my. Burning money.”
My grandmother snorted.
“We bought it because he asked to buy it.”
“…Don’t you like cake?”
When I openly pointed at Cha Yeowoon, he broke out into a cold sweat. My grandmother was apathetic and I was worried, but on a closer look, it seemed she liked it. If she really didn’t, she wouldn’t have bothered giving it a second look.
I had thought she would be annoyed, but I was surprised by the unexpected reaction.
However, on further thought, it was something I should have known. Remembering someone’s birthday, who would dislike that?
When I was 19, I had thought that she found birthdays troublesome. I didn’t doubt it. At that time, I believed that only what I felt was real, and I didn’t know that the intentions and feelings of others could be different.
“Come on. Since you’ve bought it, cut it so we can eat.”
“Still, the child bought the cake because he thought of you, but you’re not even going to blow out a candle?”
If I had said I bought it, my grandmother would have asked, “What useless thing did you do?” but when I grabbed Cha Yeowoon’s shoulders and insisted, it somehow worked.
My grandmother scolded me not to place too many candles on the cake. So after placing a few long candles, we set the cake on a small table and had a quiet, boring celebration.
It was awkward to sing, so we didn’t. I just clapped my hands lightly when she blew out the candles.
But even then, the moment felt good. I knew that I would remember this moment like the small flame flickering at the end of the thin candles for a very long time. Even after a very long time. Even when there was no Cha Yeowoon or grandmother next to me.
“Is it Yeowoon?”
My grandmother subtly changed the subject. Cha Yeowoon had gone out for a moment to take a phone call.
“The more I see him, the more I like him.”
I wondered what she was going to say, but it was a normal compliment, so I silently nodded while eating a strawberry covered in cream. The strawberry cake Cha Yeowoon had picked out was delicious.
“I was worried because you were always playing by yourself, but these days, you have a friend to hang out with. I thought you were a loner.”
Strawberry flesh was crushed between my teeth. The whipped cream melted on my tongue. Things that were too sweet tend to melt away quickly. After swallowing, I wondered when it was even in my mouth.
“Still, it won’t be the same without Grandma.”
My grandmother snorted helplessly at my words. Her wrinkled cheeks shook.
[ Countdown: 08:03:49 ]
I wondered why it seemed funny. Seriously.
“Maybe because you’ve received a lot of wounds since you were young, Myeongha, you didn’t get along well with people easily, so I worried a lot.”
We could have become closer. But I ran away. I rejected, doubted, and abandoned people.
When I was teaching students, there were children who were friendly and wanted to keep in contact afterwards, and at school or work, my colleagues would encourage me to hang out together. Even my first love had confessed to me first.
There were opportunities.
But if one side let go first, no relationship could continue. I had always lived letting go of people’s hands.
“People can’t live alone.”
“That’s true.”
Twenty-nine was lonely.
Now I could admit it. It was painfully lonely.
I lived alone because I didn’t want to feel lonely; in retrospect, it was foolish.
“Grandma, why don’t you ever celebrate my birthday?”
I asked a question I had never asked before. My grandmother’s expression stiffened, hesitating to answer.
“Because you only look for your Mom every birthday…”
My shoulders slumped.
Hearing those words somehow brought back memories from my childhood. It was the day I screamed at the top of my lungs in front of my troubled grandmother. A toy leg was sticking out of a gift package messily placed. Not this, not that. I cried my eyes out as I said that.
My grandmother took the gift and left, and it was only when I realized I was alone that I stopped.
Later, I realized that no one would come even if I cried, so I never cried again.
Crying was to lose.
Yearning was to lose.
Loving more was to lose.
I didn’t want to lose.
“Grandma, if your knees hurt, contact Mom. Don’t get sick just because you think it’s a waste of money. Even if I want to help, there’s a limit to what I can do with my income.”
“Why contact someone who’s doing well?”